I’m in love… I can’t deny the love I have for this man. He fills me with good feelings and takes me on mental extravaganzas!! I adore him. My life has been enriched by the many conversations we’ve had, the experiences we’ve shared and the different outlook I’ve taken on love. Like anything worth its salt you have to go through a few rough patches to see the road paved smoothly. Even on the smooth ground there could still be a pothole or 2… I’ve learned from past mistakes that whenever there are hard times its easier to give up and say well I can’t deal with this… but in light of the fact that I have a real man who genuinely loves and cares for me; I know that this love is worth everything. My mind is now focused on greater things. I have been in the kitchen cooking up ideas to contribute to a life-long journey that we will share. Great things are beginning to happen and I know that this has only begun. Time to put on the “big girl panties” and be the woman that he needs. My perfect life that I wanted won’t be as perfect if I don’t plan for it… Somethings do happen by coincidence, but it’s always safe to have a plan. Thanks B I learned that from you… learning more everyday.
So I’ve had the pleasure of living in a house with toddlers… not my own, someone else’s children. My niece & nephew. I love them dearly and would do anything for them… but sometimes a girl has got to get away. Away from sticky doorknobs, stepping on toys every 5 minutes and the potty training… I guess they are getting me ready for when I have my own children, but I would rather be alone right now than have all this practice!!!
Turning the Corner April 19, 2010
I’ve neglected my blog for a couple months so I have a lot to say. Here it goes…. I’ve never had a real & meanigful relationship. It has taken a long time to get in a place where I can trust love again because I was hurt a couple times in the past by what I thought was love. Each time my heart was in it, but I never got the same love in return. Now I have an incredible man in my life and sometimes it’s hard to believe that we found each other. I have come a long way in a matter of months in understanding what real love is and the part I play…. and I’m still learning. In the past I was told that I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough or I just wasn’t what they wanted. My self-esteem and self-image was shattered so many times. Dealing with verbal abuse can be damaging to a woman’s spirit. God is healing me daily from things that clutter my mind. But as another year comes around I am evaluating the things that matter most: my faith, my family & my love. Things aren’t perfect and I have to realize that. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was our love. It takes time to let go of past hurt and open up to love again. I would do anything to know the trick to making love last, because I don’t want to fail at it again. But unfortunately there are no tricks; it’s all about taking it one day at a time. Some days, like today, will not go as smoothly as others but the love is undoubtedly there. I’ve had some deep revelations today about life in general… I’m beginning to see that getting older is the greatest gift I could get. That means that God’s plan is not finished… trusting the process; opening my heart.
Being a grown up is very complicated at times. You have so much on your plate; and if you’re like me your plate is a bit incomplete because there is so much more available to intake. I haven’t been a very good steward over my career track in the past, but all of that is about to change. I have been convinced that I have a voice in this world and I have to share it. I am looking forward to the future with no regrets of the past. As Arsenio Hall said at the beginning of his show “Lets Get Busy!!” My sweetie thinks my tune will change in about a year, but I assured him that I’m ready for the challenge. I straddle the fence a little because as with any major life change I’m afraid of failure. But his advice to me was ‘you owe it to yourself to fail.’ After I thought about it, it makes perfect sense. If you never try how will you know if you’re gonna fail or not? So I owe it to myself to try; if I fail well at least I’ll know I tried. And I have the ability, if I fail, to get back up and try again. It’s a simple and life-altering concept. I’m preparing to go into new territory. This will be the most important step I’ve taken and it will determine the rest of my life… Let’s Go!!!
He Loves Me.. February 13, 2010
Well tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.. Some people put a big red X on this date, others a big red ♥… It all depends where you are in your mindset and your relationships. I never dreaded V-day I just never had someone special to share it with. Even now my sweetheart is many, many miles away. So technically I am alone again on V-day, but my heart is full of love. I never thought I’d find real love. And if I did find love it would be something that I would have to play a role or portray a character in order to keep him. This man is different.. I am myself with him.. no character, no mask just me. And he loves me… I’m not a size 2.. and he loves me. I make corny jokes.. and he loves me. You get the idea. In all my past relationships I felt that I had to be someone else to make them happy, I felt incomplete. As I gave them everything and got nothing in return I was searching for love in all the wrong places. It has been 2 years since what I would consider my last real relationship. I spent a lot of that time focused on what was wrong with me, why my relationships never worked. I honestly believe it was a setup by God. He kept me hidden for 2 years in order for this man, the RIGHT man to come into my life. He makes me smile and laugh everyday. He accepts the fact that I’m a big crybaby. He’s seen some of my more “unattractive” moments and he stills calls me beautiful. Sorry to keep going on, but when you’ve gone your whole life wanting real love and it finally makes its presence known you wanna shout it from the rooftops!! I’M IN LOVE!!! Sappy I know but I’ve waited a lifetime to say it…
Happy Valentine’s Day ♥
To the ONE I love most…
I hate when people take advantage of my niceness… they think if they ask I always have to say yes because I’m such a nice person. I hate being nice. Sometimes I wanna cuss people out and tell em to kick rocks… *especially family* I just don’t understand. I have been away from them for two of the most peaceful days I’ve had in a long time. As soon as I’m on my way back here comes the grocery list, money requests, food runs… UGH!!! I just wanna scream. I miss living alone, I only had to answer to one person… ME! I came and went as I please, no one questioned me when I came in the house with shopping bags and looking for a handout. I’m fed up!! Can you tell? At the end of the day I’ll still be the “nice girl”, which sucks.. just wanted to vent for a minute.
Peace & Blessings